August 3, 2007

Sacramento Nights


Marilyn’s is a neat little bar tucked away under the sidewalks of downtown Sacramento. On the night of my visit they featured the Bobby Zoppi Band, with the charismatic Bobby Zoppi on lead vocals. I could tell immediately that Bobby had the type of following that would lead to an interesting night. For Mr. Zoppi had an entourage of fans that would make Tom Jones jealous. The bar was not crowded when he arrived, and certainly was not crowded afterwards, but the view improved quite dramatically. I was of course curious why so many attractive young ladies surrounded him as if he were the second coming of Elvis. So, being the inquisitive type I am, I asked a couple of the older groupies what the deal was. Apparently, Mr. Zoppi is a local voice coach of some renown. A quick check of the Internet (ain’t Blackberry grand?) confirmed the “local” designation….

It was apparent to me, and remarkable nobody else, that Bobby pretty much only coached good looking young women. I have no problem with his choice of students and pretty much suggest that single guys throughout the Sacramento metropolitan area show up wherever Mr. Zoppi’s band performs. Of course some of the fans of the Zoppi Band thought that I was making a rush to judgement. I probably was, but I can’t afford to hang around town for additional research.

Anyway, this has to get more interesting in a hurry or I will be the only one to have read this post.

The crowd consisted of several stand out personalities. First, there was Molly. She was a buxom blonde happy to speak with anyone but obviously trying to catch the eye (and hopefully other anatomical features) of Bobby. Molly was currently selling hair care products. This in itself is not interesting, of course, but is important to the story….trust me. While awaiting the start of the BZ Band (a much better name if Bobby’s ego will accept it) Molly was hit on by a 50ish gentleman next to me (Honest, he was next to me…there is no way I would attempt the extremely lame lines he was about to lay on Molly). The lines were comical….and probably not new to good looking young females. This gentleman was with a Headstart Conference (Yes, these are the people we entrust our disadvantaged youth to….) Mr. Head grabbed young Molly’s hand and said, “I have been here for 3 days and you are the most beautiful thing I have seen yet.” Now, from a 22 year old college student, this is probably an acceptable line. But once your grey temples are meeting in the middle of your skull, it’s really time to drop this crap….

Molly, showing her innate intelligence, was immediately intrigued. Mr. Head’s next line was to suggest that Molly looked remarkably like his second wife. (Okay ladies, if you don’t see this one coming, you don’t get out much….) Molly asked, “So what, are you on your fourth wife now?” To which Mr. Head replied, (All in unison please), “No, I’m with my first wife now.” Young Molly predictably giggled. Soon, Mr. Head’s wife appeared. She was a very smart woman and knew her husband very well. She immediately introduced herself to young Molly with, “Hi honey. So has he asked you to become his second wife yet?” Inexplicably, I was the only to laugh….. Molly, showing great insight and more intelligence than I gave her credit for, said to Mr. Head, “I think I’m going to be her second wife since she is going to end up with the house, the car, and all the money.”

So, Mr. and Mrs. Head soon left the bar with the other Headstarters, looking to spend our tax dollars on other entertainment venues. Left behind was a young Head who had no idea that our Miss Molly was actually looking at him during her entire encounter with Mr. Head. Young Head was on his cell phone during the flirtation but was intelligent enough to realize that he suddenly was given an opportunity to impress a young lady. His attempt was not nearly as lame, but just as entertaining. He discovered that Miss Molly sold hair care products. Now this old fart would have considered such a line of work by a young lady as being nothing of interest to a young male. But Young Head, much like others in his peer group put more stuff in his hair every day than I have done in my entire life. They had a wonderful conversation about gels, mouse, and other additives that I have only heard of from my older sisters, and proceeded to get her cell number so that he could meet tomorrow to purchase hair care products!!! I wanted to congratulate him on his guile for such a scheme to gain her number. But he really, REALLY wanted the discount hair products….What the hell has become of America’s youth!!!!

He did make me feel a bit better when after she left the area he said that he hoped that if he bought enough, she would feel guilty enough to let him buy her dinner….Whew!! I thought his metro-sexual nature was forever dooming mankind….He soon left the premises, following the other Headstarters to another bar.

Shortly afterward, the Bobby Zoppi band took the stage. Just prior to that, at least 16 very attractive young ladies (lead by Miss Molly) moved tables and chairs to within about 3 feet of the stage. At this point, two of the attractive women who were earlier speaking with Bobby sat at the bar next to where I was standing. They were cordial, friendly, and realized fairly quickly that I was not going to “hit” on them. We had a few laughs at the expense of the “fans” and they filled me in a bit on Bobby being a local voice coach. Since one of these ladies was obviously BZ’s main squeeze, I did not share my observation that Bobby seemed to only coach hot young women. My impression is that Bobby’s woman is well aware of this since she was not stupid. I also found out that her friend was one of his students and was quite aware of his discriminatory student selection but was mature enough to use it to her advantage.

The music was very good. The BZ Band (guitarist, percussion, and Bobby) was tight and professional. Bobby has a great voice, as a voice coach should. His students swooned with every song. Molly (remember her?) liked to dance. Bobby’s music is not really dance music, but that didn’t stop Molly. Oh, did I mention that Molly didn’t dance alone? Molly had a dance partner. Molly’s dance partner was not as discreet as one would expect in a heterosexual bar. Did I forget to mention that Molly’s dance partner was female? It was quite entertaining. Mostly because I could envision Mr. Head and Young Head spending a lot of money on hair care products the next day expecting to entice young Molly into some sore of Penthouse Forum escapade.

Near the end the band’s first set I made the poor choice of being courteous to a gentleman who was lurking near the bar. I was enjoying my conversation with Bobby’s S.O. and friend when I offered this gentleman the opportunity to squeeze in to get a drink. He was grateful. He ordered Sambuca with coffee beans. The bartender, a cute blonde named Stephanie, smiled, acknowledged his order and went off to mix his drink. She made an abrupt about-face to tell him that they only had ground coffee….He advised her that he would skip the coffee additive.

Silly me; I expected him to get his drink and politely move away…..He didn’t….he snaked me, and basically took my spot. I, being too damned nice, and too damned married, figured what difference did it make. He began to hit on Bobby’s woman….and he was not nearly as amusing as Mr. Head. Bobby’s woman was polite but left rather quickly. This left the student and Mr. Sambuca in close proximity. He spoke to her briefly, but didn’t finish his sentence before she up and left. I was about to congratulate him on his smooth style and winning personality (“Real smooth Sambuca!” was my planned comment) but my olfactory senses stopped me….Something did not smell quite right. I realized fairly quickly that it wasn’t me. I also realized that there was nobody else at this part of the bar besides me and Mr. Sambuca.
Damn, this was such a sweet section of bar….I couldn’t just leave it, could I???? I hung in for a few minutes….It was harsh….The BZ band finished their set and I decided to walk outside in hopes that Mr. Sambuca would take a hint and move on….fat chance….I came back after about 10 minutes and inexplicably, in a well populated bar, there was an 8 foot section, directly in front of the band where only Mr. Sambuca stood alone.

I sought shelter at the other end of the bar. Stephanie, to either her credit or her blondeness, ignored the situation and got me another drink. I thought for sure that once Mr. Sambuca finished his drink he would leave….Alas, he finished and ordered an Amaretto on the rocks…

The BZ Band began their second set. Molly and her friend began to dance again…almost obscenely this time….a good 30 feet away instead of 10….Mr Sambuca-Amaretto was oblivious as he sang along to an obscure country song that Bobby included in his set in honor of his father.

I surrendered….there was no point in hanging around….I left the bar wondering if Mr. Sambuca-Amaretto had kids and who would teach them proper bar etiquette, how to drink like an American male, and the value of a good deodorant….