"Alcohol doesn’t solve any problem, but then neither does milk"
Two oldsters living on their pension in Donegal would meet every day and walk to every saloon in town.
One day, one of them said, "I read in the papers that if all the saloons in Ireland were set end to end, they'd reach from Belfast to London."
"Oh," says the other, "what a walk."
"I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted."
- Irish Footballer George Best
O'Toole volunteered to take care of their 10 children so that Mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to read. One child kept creeping down the stairs, but O'Toole kept sending him back up. At 10:00 the doorbell rang. It was the next door neighbor, Mrs. Murphy. She asked if her son was there.
O'Toole said no. Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a voice shouted, "I'm here Mom, but he won't let me go home."
"This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever."
- Sigmund Freud (speaking about the Irish)
O'Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. As he struggles to his feet he felt something wet running down his leg.
"Please God," he implored, "let it be blood."