March 7, 2014

Day 7

It's Friday!!  And I need a drink.....

Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch.

In hearing an Irish case of assault and battery, counsel, in cross examining one of the witnesses, asked him what they had the first place they stopped at.
"Four pints of stout," was the reply.
"Two glasses of whiskey."
"One glass of brandy."
"A fight."


"Young man," said the judge, looking sternly at the defendant. "It's alcohol and alcohol alone that's responsible for your present sorry state!"

"I'm glad to hear you say that," replied Murphy, with a sigh of relief. "Everybody else says it's all my fault!"


McCuen stumbled out of a saloon right into the arms of Father Logan.  "Inebriated again!" declared the priest.  "Shame on you!  When are you going to straighten out your life??"
"Father," asked McCuen.  "What causes arthritis?"
"I'll tell you what causes it!  Drinking cheap whiskey, gambling and carousing around with loose women.  How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't," slurred McCuen.  "The Bishop has it!"


Paddy texts his wife...

"Mary, I’m just having one more pint with the lads.
If I’m not home in 20 minutes, read this message again.”


Paddy Murphy approached Mulligan's Bar when he was suddenly accosted outside by Sister Marie. "Surely a fine man as yerself, Paddy, is not going in to this den of iniquity?!" the good sister asked, more as an order than a question. "Surely you wouldn't waste yer hard-earned paycheck on the devil's brew when you could be buying food and clothing fer yer family!"

"Now hold on there, sister!" sputtered Murphy. "Surely you won't be condemnin' whiskey without ever tasting some yerself, would ya?"

"Very well then" said Sister Marie, "Just to prove my point, I'll try some. Obviously I can't go into the pub, but you go in and bring it out to me. Just have them place it in a cup rather than a glass, so as to not create a scandal out here."

"Okay sister" said Murphy as he happily breezed on in to Mulligan's.

"I'll have a large whiskey" ordered Murphy to the barman, "and place it in a cup, not a glass!"

The barman shook his head and replied "Don't tell me that nun's outside again"

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