With only 5 days to go, make sure that your green shirt is clean and that you've stocked up on the Irish Whiskey.......
Murphy stumbles into the front door of the pub and orders a drink, the bartender says,
"No way buddy you're too drunk."
A few minutes later Murphy comes in through the bathrooms, again he slurs "give me a drink."
The bartender says "No man I told you last time you're too drunk"
Five minutes later Murphy comes in through the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says "You're too drunk"
Murphy scratches his head and says "Damn I must be... the last two places said the same thing."
Mrs. Dugan and Mrs. Riley were talking one day about Mr. Riley and his constant drinking. Mrs. Dugan said,
"I have an idea about how to stop him from spending so much time at the pub. Every night he comes home through the cemetery. One night you should get disguised and spook him when he comes staggering through."
So Mrs. Riley waited in the cemetery one night until she heard her husband coming.
She jumped up and a startled Riley said, "Who are you??"
Mrs. Riley replied, "I am the devil!"
With that, Riley shook her hand and said, "Glad to meet ya, I'm married to your sister."
Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll in the park. They say down on a bench to rest. They overheard voices coming from a secluded spot. Suddenly Mrs. Murphy realized that a young man was about to propose. Not wanting to eavesdrop at such an intimate moment, she nudged her husband and whispered,
"Whistle and let that young couple know that someone can hear them."
Murphy said, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me."
The Boston taxi driver backed into the stationary fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop beside him.
"Really, I’m O’Connor too. Where are you from?"
"Same as me......"
The policeman paused with his pen in the air.
"Hold on a moment and I'll come back and talk about the old county. I want to say something to this fella that ran into the back of your cab."
Father Murphy met Casey in the street and Casey admired his new umbrella.
Father Murphy said, "Thank you, but I'm not sure I got it honestly. It started to rain the other day, and I stepped into a doorway to wait until it stopped. Then I saw a young fellow coming along with a nice large umbrella, and I thought that if he was going as far as my house, I'd ask him to share it with me. I stepped out from the doorway and said, 'Where are you going with that umbrella?' And he dropped the darned thing and ran."