March 5, 2013

Day 5

Murphy, O'Brien & Casey sitting in a bar discussing the words they would like to hear spoken over their coffins at their wakes. Casey says,
"I would like them to say 'He was a wonderful family man- he always supported his wife and kids, and they never wanted for anything.'"
O' Brien says, "That's lovely Casey. But I would like to hear them say, 'He was a great man in the community - he undertook a lot of projects to make his community a better place."
Murphy says, "That's very nice, O'Brien. But I would like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!'"


Little Ryan had spilled the ink all over the classroom floor.  The teacher came down and stood looking sternly at him.  “Ryan,” she said, “If you spilled something at home, what would your mother do?”  Ryan said, “Well, she wouldn’t just stand there like you, looking at it, she’d clean it up.”


"A lot of men are going to be miserable when I marry," she said.
"How many," he asked, "are you going to marry?


Bartender to Flanagan:  “Your glass is empty sir, would you like another?  Flanagan said, “Now just why would I be wanting two empty glasses?”

Mrs. Fitzpatrick was boasting to Mrs. O’Reilly about the extent of her wardrobe. “Whenever I’m in the dumps, I get myself a new hat.” Mrs. O’Reilly said, “I was wondering where you got them.”

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