March 12, 2013

Lucky 13

            A surgeon and an architect, both English, were joined by an Irish politician, and all fell to arguing as to whose profession was the oldest.
            Said the surgeon, "Eve was made from Adam's rib, and that surely was a surgical operation."
            "Maybe," said the architect, "but prior to that, order was created out of chaos, and that was an architectural job."
            "Shure now," interrupted the politician, "but somebody created the chaos first."


            Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
            The man said, "I do Father."
            The priest said,  "Then stand over there against the wall."
            Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?"
            "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
            "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
            Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
            O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
            The priest said, "I don't believe this.  You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
            O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes.  I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."


O’Reilly left work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home to his wife, he spent the weekend (and his money) partying with the boys. 

When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife really got on his case and stayed on it. After a couple of hours of screaming, his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer,
'How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?!?'

O’Reilly couldn't believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said, 'That would suit me just fine!!'

Monday went by, and he didn' t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her. Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.


The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving mile.

Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply.  So, they brought the cow over from Scotland.  It was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.
They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.  They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.  No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed. The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice.

"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking,
"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland ?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned That they had brought the cow over from Scotland.  "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Scotland ?

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:  "My wife's from Scotland "

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