March 5, 2007

Day 5

Sorry about day 3 and 4.....I got drunk.....

Today’s topic is kids. If you haven’t noticed, most Irish families are blessed with children. This is at times a mixed blessing, especially once they’ve been around the house for 30 years or so.

A Roman Catholic priest stood at the church door greeting the parishioners after Mass."Good morning,' Mr. and Mrs. O'Riley. “I married you ten years ago but I never see any of your children in church.”

"Deed you did, Father. We've not been blessed. My husband and I have tried but we've not been successful", said Mrs. O'Riley.

"I'm going to Rome for a few years sabbatical. I'll light a candle for you in the great basilica at the Vatican. Perhaps the Holy Mother will look kindly on you and your husband."

Several years later, back at the church door, greeting parishioners, the priest meets Mrs. O'Riley. "Mrs. O'Riley, did you ever have any children?

"Deed I did , Father," she said pointing to a family behind her.

"We've had a set of triplets, a set of twins and two singles since we last saw you.

"Praise be the Holy Mother. She's blessed you. But I don't see Mr.O'Riley. Is he here?

"No, Father, he's gone to Rome to blow out your candle."


An old man living alone in South Armagh, whose only son was in Long Kesh Prison, didn’t have anyone to dig his garden for spring planting. So he wrote to his son about his predicament.

The son sent the reply, “For HEAVENS SAKE, don’t dig the garden up, that’s where I buried the guns!!!!!” At 3 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers turned up and dug the garden for 3 hours, but didn’t find any guns.

Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what had happened, asking him what he should do now? The son sent the reply: “NOW plant the potatoes!”


O'Toole volunteered to take care of his numerous children so that Mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to read. One child kept creeping down the stairs, but O'Toole kept sending him back up.

At 10 o'clock the doorbell rang. It was the next door neighbor, Mrs. O'Brien. She asked if her son was there and O'Toole said no. Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a voice shouted. "I'm here Mom, but he won't let me go home."


At a picnic for a Catholic school, the Mother Superior stacked a pile of apples on one end of a table with a sign saying, "Take only one apple please -- God is watching."

On the other end of the table was a pile of cookies, on which a second grade student had placed a sign saying, "Take all the cookies you want -- God is watching the apples."


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