Today I feature some jokes about religion. While many cultures feel that it is taboo to joke about religion, that is not possible in Ireland. If you have ever met an Irish priest, you will quickly understand why. They epitomize the Irish traits with regards to story telling, generosity, and a willingness to laugh at themselves. Enjoy:
Timothy met the parish priest and said, "Father, wasn't it a lovely bazaar we had two weeks ago?" "It was grand," said the priest. Tim said, "Incidentally, those automobiles that we had for prizes, who won the Cadillac?" And the priest said, "It so happens Father Duffy won the Cadillac. Wasn't he lucky?"
Tim said, "That he was. And the Oldsmobile we had there? Who won the Oldsmobile?" The priest said, "Well, Monsignor Fogarty won the Oldsmobile. Wasn't he lucky?"
He said, "Yes, that he was. And the last car, the Plymouth, who won that?" The priest said, "Well, Bishop Donahue won that. Wasn't he lucky?" Then the priest said, "By the way, Timothy, how many chances did you take?"
He said, "I didn't take any. Wasn't I lucky!"
"And how much of that stack of hay did you steal, Kavanaugh?" the priest asked at confession.
"I might as well confess to the whole stack, your Reverence," said Kavanaugh. "I'm goin' after the rest of it tonight!"
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want
to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
The good Father was warning his listeners about the suddenness of death. "Before another day is ended," he thundered, "somebody in this parish will die."
Seated in the front row was a little old Irishman who laughed out loud at this statement. Very angry, the priest said to the jovial old man, "What's so funny?"
"Well!" spoke up the oldster, "I'm not a member of this parish."
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her 80s and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her & she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice" he said "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes" she replied "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all Winter."