Today's Irish Quote:
"Even if the ball was wrapped in bacon, Lassie couldn't find it."
Heard from an Irish caddie, after a particularly bad shot.
A Roman Catholic priest stood at the church door greeting the parishioners after Mass."Good morning,' Mr. and
Mrs. O'Riley. “I married you ten years ago but I never see any of your children in church.”
"Deed you did, Father. We've not been blessed. My husband and I have tried but we've not been successful",
said Mrs. O'Riley.
"I'm going to Rome for a few years sabbatical. I'll light a candle for you in the great basilica at the
Vatican. Perhaps the Holy Mother will look kindly on you and your husband."
Several years later, back at the church door, greeting parishioners, the priest meets Mrs. O'Riley. "Mrs.
O'Riley, did you ever have any children?
"Deed I did , Father," she said pointing to a family behind her.
"We've had a set of triplets, a set of twins and two singles since we last saw you.
"Praise be the Holy Mother. She's blessed you. But I don't see Mr.O'Riley. Is he here?
"No, Father, he's gone to Rome to blow out your candle."
At a picnic for a Catholic school, the Mother Superior stacked a pile of apples on one end of a table with a
sign saying, "Take only one apple please -- God is watching."
On the other end of the table was a pile of cookies, on which a second grade student had placed a sign saying,
"Take all the cookies you want -- God is watching the apples."
O’Reilly left work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home to his wife, he spent the weekend (and
his money) partying with the boys.
When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife really got on his case and stayed on it. After a
couple of hours of screaming, his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer,
'How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?!?'
O’Reilly couldn't believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said, 'That would suit me just fine!!'
Monday went by, and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her. Come
Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
O'Reilly lay dying when the pungent aroma of corned beef and cabbage being cooked by his wife brought a smile
to his lips.
"Ah, darlin', let me leave this world a happy man," said O'Reilly. "Give me just a small bit of that stuff
"Sure an' I couldn't do that!" said Mrs. O'Reilly. "I'm savin' it for the wake!"