Paddy is stopped by the police around 2 AM and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
He replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying up late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be me wife."
Wife : "Do you want dinner?"
Husband: "Sure! What are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes or no."
O’Reilly left work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home to his wife, he spent the weekend (and his money) partying with the boys.
When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife really got on his case and stayed on it. After a couple of hours of screaming, his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?!?"
O’Reilly couldn't believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said, "That would suit me just foine!!"
Monday went by, and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her. Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother Liam came over from Cork and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh No, not Liam... he's an idiot!"
She nervously asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
"Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"