March 16, 2016

Day 16 - St. Paddy's Eve

'Murphy, why don't you give up the drinking, smoking and carousing?' said Mrs O'Leary
'It's too late,' replied Murphy.
'It's never too late,' assured the virtuous Mrs O'Leary.
'Well, there's no rush then,' smiled Murphy.


Walking into the bar, Shamus said to O'Hara the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'
'O, bejabbers,' said O'Hara, 'And how did this one end?'
'Hah, when it was over,' Shamus replied, 'she came to me on her hands and knees.'
'Really?' cried O'Hara, 'now that's a switch!  What did she say?'
She said, 'Come out from under the bed, Shamus, you little chicken.'


Kathleen had lunch with 2 of her unmarried friends. Maria is engaged to an Italian race driver, Suzanna one is the mistress to a French painter, and Kathleen has been married to Paddy for 20+ years. They chatted about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. They agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here’s how it all went.

“The other night when my Rinaldo came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my dreams...I love you.’ Then we made passionate love all night long.

Me too! The other night I met Pierre at his studio and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

When Paddy came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,
“What’s for dinner, Zorro?”


An Irishman takes his goldfish to the vet and says 'I think my goldfish is epileptic.'
The vet looks and says 'He looks fine to me.'
The Irishman replies 'Hang on, I haven't taken him out of the bowl yet!!'


A woman came to a priest one day and confessed, "Father, I've committed adultery."
The priest is somewhat upset, but he forgives her and tells her not to let it happen again.

Later that week, 6 more people came up to him and confessed the same time. He forgave him all. Within the next month, over 50 people confessed that they committed adultery. The priest was so upset that he announced to the community at mass; "From now on, if anyone of you commit adultery, don't tell me that you did. Instead, tell me something else, like 'I tripped in a pothole.'

So people were always admitting to this priest that they had tripped in a pothole. Eventually, the priest died of old age. A new priest, who knew nothing about the whole pothole thing, replaced the late priest. Whenever people told him that they had tripped in a pothole, he would reply with, "That's quite okay. Just watch your step next time."

One day, the priest decided to take the issue of potholes up with the Town Council.

"Mr. Mayor," he said, "I think we should spend a good deal of money to repair this town's roads; people keep tripping in potholes every day.

"Aye that, heh" laughed the mayor. He got into a historical fit since the priest knew nothing of the true meaning of what his parishioners were confessing.

The priest was not impressed with the reaction of the Mayor and replied, "This is no laughing matter, Mayor. Your wife alone tripped in 6 potholes last week!"

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