March 4, 2016

Day 4

It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub.
An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the
end and jiggled it up and down in the water.

A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.

'Fishing,' replied the old man.

'Poor old fool' thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have
a drink in the pub.

Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their
whisky, the gentleman asked, And how many have you caught?'

'You're the eighth"


A lawyer runs a stop sign in Dublin ,and gets pulled over by the Garda. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer and is certain that he has a better education then any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop's expense!

Irish cop says,"License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What for?"

Irish cop says,"Ye didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Irish cop says,"Ye still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration, please"

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Irish cop says, "The difference is, you didn’t come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Irish cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living shit out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"


A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest sitting beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course, child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits. I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me...under your robe, perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you... I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, the woman let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare. "The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date...unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"

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