Happy St. Patrick's Month

It's here again!  That wonderful time of the year when we all prepared for that wondrous holiday, St. Patrick's Day!  I hope you enjoy the next 17 days of laughs and groans as I share with you some of my favorite Irish jokes.

Slainte!

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'
'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'

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Wife :       'Do you want dinner?'  
Husband:       'Sure! What are my choices?'  
Wife:          'Yes or no.' 

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Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey".
Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

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Two oldsters living on their pension in Donegal would meet every day and walk to every saloon in town.

One day, one of them said, "I read in the papers that if all the saloons in Ireland were set end to end, they'd reach from Belfast to London."
"Oh," says the other, "what a walk."

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I took my nephew out for his first drink

Off we went to our local pub which was only two blocks from the house. I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it. Then I got him a Murphy’s, he didn't like that either, so I drank it. It was the same with the Harp, Bass Ale, and the Smithwick’s.

I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's, nope! By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink I was so fookin' shit-faced I could hardly push the stroller back home!