March 7, 2017

Day 7

Recently a routine Garda patrol parked outside a local neighborhood tavern. Late in the evening the Garda noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the Garda quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night), flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few cm, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.  At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road.

The Garda, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a Breathalyzer test. To his amazement the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the Garda said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station this Breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy."


Casey and Flanagan went mountain climbing in the Alps and got cut off
by an avalanche.  They were sheltering on a ledge when they saw a St. Bernard coming, with a little keg of brandy hanging around his neck.
Flanagan said, "Look! Here comes man's best friend."
Casey said, "And look at the size of the dog that's bringin' it!"


Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal and says to the first man he meets,
      "Do you want to go to heaven?"
      The man said, "I do, Father."
      The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." 
      Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
      "Certainly Father," said the man.
      "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
      Then the priest walked up to Delaney and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
      Delaney said, "No, I don't Father."
      The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
      Delaney said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."


McCuen stumbled out of a saloon right into the arms of Father Logan.  "Inebriated again!" declared the priest.  "Shame on you!  When are you going to straighten out your life??"
"Father," asked McCuen.  "What causes arthritis?"
"I'll tell you what causes it!  Drinking cheap whiskey, gambling and carousing around with loose women.  How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't," slurred McCuen.  "The Bishop has it!"

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