Seamus walks into a bar. Bartender asks what'll have. Seamus replies "A beer and a shot of whiskey before the trouble starts".
Bartender shakes his head and gives him his drinks. All night, each time the bartender asks for his order Seamus says, "A beer and a shot of whiskey before the trouble starts."
Finally the bartender asks Seamus what trouble he's talking about.
Seamus says, "Give me a beer and I might just tell you."
The bartender replies, "Sorry, you've had your limit for the night."
Seamus says, "Ohh, now the trouble starts."
Young Riley had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office in down town Dublin and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, Riley picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
O’Brien, a retired electrical engineer, was attending the homecoming football game at his old alma mater, Notre Dame, one crisp fall afternoon. He had been talking football to a college freshman sitting next to him when the conversation turned to electronics and how quickly the world was now changing. The freshman said that it would be impossible for O’Brien’s generation to understand his.
"You grew up in a different world," the freshman said loud enough for the everyone nearby to hear.
"Today we have television, jet planes, and space travel,” the freshman continued. “Man has walked on the Moon, and our spaceships have visited Mars.”
“We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing and…"
Suddenly O‘Brien interrupted the young student and also spoke loud enough to be heard by those nearby, "You're right. We didn't have those things when I was young; so we invented them. What the hell are you doing for the next generation?"
Little Katie was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Katie?"
"My goldfish died," replied Katie tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Katie patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."