March 12, 2012

Day 13

The 13th of March, a short 4 days before the big event!! Much is said about the Luck of the Irish, but truthfully, it’s not good luck that makes us a happy bunch, it is the willingness to laugh at our bad luck…..

A man walks out of a house in Belfast. Another man walks up to him and sticks a gun to his head saying, "Are you a Protestant or a Catholic?"
The first man, not knowing how to reply for fear of being shot if he says the wrong thing, thinks for a minute and finally answers, "As a matter of fact, I'm Jewish."
At which the gunman chuckles, "Boy, I must be the luckiest Arab in Belfast tonight."


My Uncle Tim met the parish priest and said, "Father, wasn't it a lovely bazaar we had two weeks ago?" "It was grand," said the priest. Tim said, "Incidentally, those automobiles that we had for prizes, who won the Cadillac?" And the priest said, "It so happens Father Duffy won the Cadillac. Wasn't he lucky?"

Uncle Tim said, "That he was. And the Oldsmobile we had there? Who won the Oldsmobile?" The priest said, "Well, Monsignor Fogarty won the Oldsmobile. Wasn't he lucky?"

He said, "Yes, that he was. And the last car, the Plymouth, who won that?" The priest said, "Well, Bishop Donahue won that. Wasn't he lucky?" Then the priest said, "By the way, Timothy, how many chances did you take?"

He said, "I didn't take any. Wasn't I lucky!"


Legionnaire Molloy had become detached from the regiment and wandered aimlessly across the burning desert sand. Hour after hour, day after day, he trudged on, water all gone, almost totally dehydrated. At almost his last breath he rounded a sand dune and there stood an immaculately dressed Arab with a tray around his neck.

'Water, water, for God's sake give me water,' screamed Molloy.

'Do you want to buy a tie?' asked the Arab.

'Indeed I don't,' said Molloy, and stumbled on.

Two miles later he came across a second Arab, again immaculately dressed, a tray around the neck.

'Water, water - you must give me water!' mumbled Molloy.

'No water, effendi. But do you want to buy a tie?' said the Arab.

'I don't, I don't,' bellowed Molloy and on he stumbled.

Two miles later he couldn't believe his eyes. Mirage? No! It was for real - a beautiful hotel set in an oasis, swimming pool, golf course, tennis courts. Up the steps shuffled Molloy, calling:

'Thank God I'm saved. Water, please, water!'

Out stepped a smartly dressed doorman who said:

'I'm sorry sir, but you can't come in if you're not wearing a tie!'


Three clergymen, one from Belfast, one from Derry and one from Ballymena, were discussing how to make a little profit out of the Sunday collection.

'Well,' said the Belfast clergyman, 'after I've taken all the collection I just dip my hand in and take a handful, and that does me.'

'I think that's erring a little on the righteous side,' said the Derry clergyman. 'I think it's fairer to divide it in half.'

'Not at all,' said the Ballymena clergyman. 'The most Christian way is to throw all the money up in the air. What stays up is God's, and what comes back down is mine.'

No comments: