Casey was home from overseas with his wife and small daughter. They were going through the customs at the airport and the little girl watched the customs officer as he went through their luggage.
Suddenly she said to the customs man, "Keep going, you're getting warmer!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One night a man and his wife are in bed when the man hears a knock on his door, so he gets up and opens it. Standing there is a very drunk guy who asks the homeowner to give him a push.
"What!" the homeowner yells in an angry voice and promptly slams the door in the drunk's face. He goes back upstairs and gets back in bed, and his wife asks him who it was.
"Just a guy wanting a push," the husband says.
"Why didn't you help him?" the woman asks.
"Because it's 3:30 in the morning!" the husband yells.
The wife, slightly angry now, says,
"Remember that time our car broke down and someone was nice enough to help us in the middle of
the night? I think you should help him."
Very grumpy now, the husband gets back up, gets dressed, and goes outside. Not seeing the man or his car, he yells out,
"Where are you? You said you wanted a push!"
The drunk calls out, "I'm over here!" Still not seeing the drunk, the husband yells out again,
"WHERE?!"
"Over here, on your swing set!" the drunk yells back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The attorney was cross examining Clancy, the coroner. The attorney asked, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?" The coroner said, "No."
The attorney then asked, "Did you listen for a heart beat?", and again the coroner said, "No."
Then the attorney asked, "Did you check for breathing?", and again the coroner said, "No."
"So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"
Clancy, now tired of the brow beating said,
"Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 2:00AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman, saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the cupboard to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"That's a great idea!" he exclaims.
"Good," she replies. "Get up and get your own blanket."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Young Ryan was staying with his Grandmother, and she was having great difficulty getting him to wash his face every morning.
The Granny said, "When I was your age I used to wash my face three times a day."
Young Ryan said, "Yes, and look at it now."
Suddenly she said to the customs man, "Keep going, you're getting warmer!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One night a man and his wife are in bed when the man hears a knock on his door, so he gets up and opens it. Standing there is a very drunk guy who asks the homeowner to give him a push.
"What!" the homeowner yells in an angry voice and promptly slams the door in the drunk's face. He goes back upstairs and gets back in bed, and his wife asks him who it was.
"Just a guy wanting a push," the husband says.
"Why didn't you help him?" the woman asks.
"Because it's 3:30 in the morning!" the husband yells.
The wife, slightly angry now, says,
"Remember that time our car broke down and someone was nice enough to help us in the middle of
the night? I think you should help him."
Very grumpy now, the husband gets back up, gets dressed, and goes outside. Not seeing the man or his car, he yells out,
"Where are you? You said you wanted a push!"
The drunk calls out, "I'm over here!" Still not seeing the drunk, the husband yells out again,
"WHERE?!"
"Over here, on your swing set!" the drunk yells back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The attorney was cross examining Clancy, the coroner. The attorney asked, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?" The coroner said, "No."
The attorney then asked, "Did you listen for a heart beat?", and again the coroner said, "No."
Then the attorney asked, "Did you check for breathing?", and again the coroner said, "No."
"So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"
Clancy, now tired of the brow beating said,
"Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 2:00AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman, saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the cupboard to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"That's a great idea!" he exclaims.
"Good," she replies. "Get up and get your own blanket."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Young Ryan was staying with his Grandmother, and she was having great difficulty getting him to wash his face every morning.
The Granny said, "When I was your age I used to wash my face three times a day."
Young Ryan said, "Yes, and look at it now."
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