Mrs. O'Leary went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the new physicians. After about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out the door and ran screaming down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. O'Leary is 72 years old, she has seven grown children and ten grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The store manager, O'Reilly, heard Maryann his assistant tell a customer, "No mam, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon."
O'Reilly was horrified and ran over to the customer and said, "Of course we'll have some soon. We placed an order last week."
Then he took the assistant aside and said, "Never, never, say we're out of anything - say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now what was it she wanted?"
"Rain," said the assistant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idly, the American tourist watched the Cork man dig and turn over the soil. Eventually he called out: "Hey, buddy, what's that you're doing?"
"I'm digging potatoes, sir."
"Potatoes? You call those puny things potatoes? Back home in Idaho we have potatoes ten times that size!"
"Indeed sir, and that's as it needs be; a good potato should be of a size to fit the mouth."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For 50 years, Paddy left the box alone, until his wife Moira was old and dying. One day, when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important. Opening it, he found two doilies and 82,500 pounds in cash. He took the box to her and asked about the contents.
"My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained. "She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got angry with you."
Paddy was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been vexed with him twice."What's the money for?" he asked.
"Oh, well that's what I've made selling the Doilies."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The warden catches Seamus leaving the vicinity of the reservoir with a bucket of fish. "Aha! I've caught you poachin' fish red-handed," says the warden. "What do you mean, red-handed?" says Seamus. "You've got a bucket full of 'em right there. You can't talk your way out of it this time."
"Oh, you don't understand," says Seamus, "I've not poached a thing. These are me pet fish. I bring 'em to the reservoir once a week for exercise. After they've had a good swim, they come back to the bucket and we go back home."
"Do ya expect me to believe such an outlandish tale?"
"I can prove it." say Seamus. So they walk back to the reservoir and Seamus dips the bucket in and the fish swim away. They stand in silence for 20, 30, 40 minutes - no sign of the fish coming back to the pail.
"Ha, ya lying rogue!" shouts the warden. "Where are your fish?"
"What fish?"
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. O'Leary is 72 years old, she has seven grown children and ten grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The store manager, O'Reilly, heard Maryann his assistant tell a customer, "No mam, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon."
O'Reilly was horrified and ran over to the customer and said, "Of course we'll have some soon. We placed an order last week."
Then he took the assistant aside and said, "Never, never, say we're out of anything - say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now what was it she wanted?"
"Rain," said the assistant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idly, the American tourist watched the Cork man dig and turn over the soil. Eventually he called out: "Hey, buddy, what's that you're doing?"
"I'm digging potatoes, sir."
"Potatoes? You call those puny things potatoes? Back home in Idaho we have potatoes ten times that size!"
"Indeed sir, and that's as it needs be; a good potato should be of a size to fit the mouth."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For 50 years, Paddy left the box alone, until his wife Moira was old and dying. One day, when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important. Opening it, he found two doilies and 82,500 pounds in cash. He took the box to her and asked about the contents.
"My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained. "She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got angry with you."
Paddy was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been vexed with him twice."What's the money for?" he asked.
"Oh, well that's what I've made selling the Doilies."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The warden catches Seamus leaving the vicinity of the reservoir with a bucket of fish. "Aha! I've caught you poachin' fish red-handed," says the warden. "What do you mean, red-handed?" says Seamus. "You've got a bucket full of 'em right there. You can't talk your way out of it this time."
"Oh, you don't understand," says Seamus, "I've not poached a thing. These are me pet fish. I bring 'em to the reservoir once a week for exercise. After they've had a good swim, they come back to the bucket and we go back home."
"Do ya expect me to believe such an outlandish tale?"
"I can prove it." say Seamus. So they walk back to the reservoir and Seamus dips the bucket in and the fish swim away. They stand in silence for 20, 30, 40 minutes - no sign of the fish coming back to the pail.
"Ha, ya lying rogue!" shouts the warden. "Where are your fish?"
"What fish?"
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