March 2, 2017

Day 2

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
''Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called 'Happy Hour' and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and o' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness -- couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later...'' And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, ''Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.''

''Why? Don't ye believe me?''


In hearing an Irish case of assault and battery, counsel, in cross examining one of the witnesses, asked him what they had the first place they stopped at.
"Four glasses of ale," was the reply.
"Two glasses of whiskey."
"One glass of brandy."
"A fight."


Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND."
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the bloody thing up.


The Irish lads (Shane, Sean and Conor), were working on a building site in London. Unfortunately, Shane falls off the scaffolding and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Sean says, ‘Someone should go and tell his wife.’  Conor says, ‘OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.’
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Guinness. Sean says, ‘Where did you get that, Conor?’
‘Shane’s wife gave it to me’ says Conor.
Sean continues, ‘That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?’
‘Well not exactly,’ Conor said. ‘When she answered the door, I said to her, “You must be Shane’s widow”.
She said, ‘No, I’m not a widow.’
And then I said, ‘I’ll bet you a case of Guinness you are.”

No comments: