It's the weekend and that new bottle of Jameson's is tempting me so much that a wee drop might be good for the soul.
I've dug deep into the collection for some of these, I hope they make you chuckle :)
Said the lost balloonist to Casey in the field, "Ahoy below, where am I?"
Casey shouted up to him, "You can't fool me, yer up there in that little basket!"
Young Ryan was staying with his Grandmother, and she was having great difficulty getting him to wash his face every morning.
The Granny said, "When I was your age I used to wash my face three times a day."
Young Ryan said, "Yes, and look at it now."
The doctor said to Flanagan, "The best thing for you to do is to give up drinking and smoking."
Flanagan said, "What's the second best thing?"
Casey was home from overseas with his wife and small daughter. They were going through the customs at the airport and the little girl watched the customs officer as he went through their luggage.
Suddenly she said to the customs man, "Keep going, you're getting warmer!"
Muldoon came home after a hard day working on the land. He found the house in a complete mess, and there was no dinner ready.
"What's wrong?" he asked his wife.
She said, "Do you remember this morning, when you asked me what on earth I did here all day? Well today I didn't do it."
Grannie Hennessey was 90 and her eyesight was beginning to fail. She was staying with her son and family. One day whe wasn't feeling well, so Hennessey sent for the doctor who came and examined her. The doctor came down stairs and said, "There's nothing to worry about, Grannie is in good shape for her age."
Hennessey's wife dashed upstairs and gave Grannie the good news and told her the doctor said she's fine.
Grannie said, "Oh, that was a doctor......I thought he was a bit familiar for a priest."
O'Toole volunteered to take care of the children so that Mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to be and settled down to read. One child kept creeping down the stairs, but O'Toole kept sending him back up. At 10:00 the doorbell rang. It was the next door neighbor, Mrs. O'Brien.
She asked if her son was there. O'Toole said, "No."
Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a voice shouted, "I'm here Mom, but he won't let me go home."
Casey's daughter had invited her boyfriend to their house and Casey was showing the young man his garden. The young man was impressed with the flowers and vegetables and said, "How do you get such lovely vegetables and flowers?"
Casey said, "Buckets of manure."
The daughter listening said to her mother, "Ma I wish you'd get Dad to say fertilizer instead of manure."
The mother said, "My poor child, it's taken me 10 years to get him to say manure."