Today's Irish Quote:
"I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted."
Soccer superstar George Best
There is an Old Irish couple, Margaret and Patty. Margaret walks into the living room where Patty is and says,
"Patrick, oh I am so proud of you, so proud. Last month, I told you that you were spending too much time at the pub and too much time away from me. Since then you haven't gone to the pub once and stayed home. I want to do something special for ya, I want to make ya a special dinner, special indeed."
Patty replied, "Oh Margaret, you don't have to do that, don't trouble yourself."
"No, it's no trouble" Margaret insisted, "In fact, when we were on holiday last year, you really enjoyed that Escargot. You go to the store and get them snails and I'll make 'em up for ya."
Patty got excited, "Oh, that would be wonderful!! Okay, okay, I'll go right away."
So Patty goes to the store to get the snails, but has to pass the pub on the way. As he passes, everyone in the pub starts yelling, "Hey Patty!! Where ya been, Boy? Come on in and let me buy ya a pint!!!
Patty refuses, "No, no, no, no. I've got to get to the store.........No, I've got to go."
They keep it up, "C'mon Patty, just one, let me buy ya one!"
Patty answers, “No, no, no, I've got to go.”
Patty makes it to the store and gets the snails. Well on his way back he has to go past the pub once again, they start in again,
"Hey Patty!! Come on in and let me buy ya a pint!!!
Patty answers, "No, no, no, no. I've got to get home.........No, I've got to go."
They beg, "C'mon boy, just one."
Patty responds, "No, I've got to go. I've got..........Well..........Just one."
It's 11:00 pm when Patty looks down on his watch.
"Oh No!! I've got to go!!"
Patty starts running home, he gets to the gate and flings it open and then trips and the snails go flying everywhere. Margaret hears the ruckus and comes out and yells,
"Patty! It's after 11:00! What took ya so long?!? Where ya been?!?"
Patty looks up at Margaret, looks down and sees the snails spread out everywhere, gets up, waves and exclaims, "Come on Boys, keep it going! WE'RE ALMOST THERE!!!"
An Englishman and an Irish man are driving head on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Irish man goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of Jameson whiskey.
He hands the bottle to the Englishman, who say, ''May the English and the Irish live together forever, in peace, and harmony.''
The English man then tips the bottle and lashes half of it down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Irishman, whom replies, ''No thanks, I'll just wait till the police get here!''
O’Connell was staggering home with a pint of Jameson’s in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. As he struggled to his feet he felt something wet running down his leg.
“Please, God,” he implored, “let it be blood.”