March 14, 2011

Day 14

Day 14

O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent.
"Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest.

"I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?" O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."


A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.

After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around.

She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?"

He responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"


An elderly couple was driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the police.
The policeman said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"

The woman turns to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!" The policeman said, "May I see your license?"

The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!"

The woman gave him her license.

The policeman said, "I see you are from Mayo. I spent some time there once and had the worst date I have ever had."

The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man yelled, "He thinks he knows you!"


His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan.

"Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant.

"She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said the Irishman.


The warden catches Seamus leaving the vicinity of the reservoir with a bucket of fish.

"Aha! I've caught you poachin' fish red-handed," says the warden.

"What do you mean, red-handed?" says Seamus.

"You've got a bucket full of 'em right there. You can't talk your way out of it this time."

"Oh, you don't understand," says Seamus, "I've not poached a thing. These are me pet fish. I bring 'em to the reservoir once a week for exercise. After they've had a good swim, they come back to the bucket and we go back home."

"Do ya expect me to believe such a tale?"

"I can prove it." say Seamus.

So they walk back to the reservoir and Seamus dips the bucket in and the fish swim away. They stand in silence for 20, 30, 40 sign of the fish coming back to the pail.

"Ha, ya lying rogue! shouts the warden. "Where are your fish?"

"What fish?"

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