March 15, 2017

Day 15

In a court in Killarney, deep in Munster, Ireland, this conversation is reported to have taken place:
Lawyer: 'At the scene of the accident, Mr O'Shea, did you tell the Garda officer that you had never felt better in your life?'

O'Shea the farmer: 'That's right, sir.'

Lawyer: Well then, Mr O'Shea, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's car hit your cart?'

O'Shea the farmer: 'When the Garda arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Darcy, my dog, who was badly hurt, and shot him. Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?' I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say: 'I've never felt better in my life.'


An 80-year-old Irishmen goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition?"

“I'm Irish and I am a golfer," says the old guy, "and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of Whiskey and all is well."

"Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?"

"Who said my Dad's dead?"

The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years old and your Dad's still alive. How old is he?"

"He's 100 years old," says the old Irish golfer. "In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little whiskey and that's why he's still alive. He's Irish and he's a golfer, too."

"Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Dad's Dad?  How old was he when he died?"

"Who said my grandpa's dead?"

Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible, how old is he?"

"He's 118 years old," says the old Irish golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"

"No. Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today."

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. "Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?"

"Who said he wanted to?"


A judge in Dublin asked: "Were you present at the beginning of the trouble between your friend and his wife?"
Witness: "Sure, wasn't I best man at their wedding?"

Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll in the park.  They say down on a bench to rest.  They overheard voices coming from a secluded spot.  Suddenly Mrs. Murphy realized that a young man was about to propose. 
Not wanting to eavesdrop at such an intimate moment, she nudged her husband and whispered, "Whistle and let that young couple know that someone can hear them."
Murphy said, "Whistle?  Why should I whistle?  Nobody whistled to warn me."

The good Donegal Sister had her class studying their catechism. When she asked one little boy if he had progressed in his studies as far as original sin, he replied proudly:
"Oh, yes, Sister. I'm beyond redemption."

No comments: