Paddy had a few too many at a party and while driving home, he was pulled over by the Garda. Noting Paddys erratic driving, the Garda immediately breathalyzed him. As they were preparing to book him, there was a terrible accident in the opposite side of the road. The Garda were immediately distracted by the other incident and decided to take care of more important matters. Paddy, figuring that the Garda weren't coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. He was awakened in the morning by a knock at the front door, and was greeted by two Garda.
"Are you Mr. Padraigk Murphy?" they asked? Paddy nodded his head.
"Were you pulled over at Church Street last night for driving under the influence?" Again, the Paddy nervously nodded his head.
"And what did you do then?" they asked. Paddy replied that he drove his car home and went to bed. "Where is your car now?" the Guards enquired. Paddy told them that it was in the garage.
"May we see the car?" asked the Garda. The man answered, "Sure," and opened the garage. Inside the garage was the Garda squad car.
Murphy walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9.00.
"But I paid, don't you remember?" says Murphy.
"Okay," says the bartender, "If you say you paid, you did."
Murphy then goes outside and tells Seamus that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid. Seamus rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.
The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it."
Soon Seamus goes into the street, sees Paddy, and tells him how to get free drinks.
Paddy hurries into the bar and begins to drink shot after shot of fine Irish Whiskey. Suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched in the face."
"Don't bother me with your troubles," Paddy responds. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."
An American walks into McCafferty's Pub overlooking Galway Bay in Galway, Ireland and raises his voice to the crowd of locals, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinking fools. I'll give $500 American to anybody here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back."
A hush falls over the room. Not a soul has the nerve to take the American up on his offer. Paddy Murphy gets up to leave the bar, but 15 minutes later, he is back tapping the American on the shoulder.
"Is your bet still good, Yank?" asks Paddy.
"It is," roars the American. He then orders the barman to line up 10 pints of Guinness on the bar.
Immediately, Paddy downs all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back to back. The other pub patrons cheer their approval and the American plops down upon his barstool in amazement. Handing Paddy the $500, the Yank asks,
"If you don't mind my asking, where did you go for that 15 minutes?"
To which Paddy replies, "Oh...I went to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."
Three old ladies met on the street on a very stormy day. The wind was so loud that they had difficulty in hearing each other.
“It’s windy,” said one.
“No, it’s Thursday,” said the next.
“So am I,” said the third. “Let’s go and have a drink.”
An Irish fella left the pub late one night, and since it was late he figured to cut through the cemetery..
As he walked through it, he fell into a fresh cut grave. Try as he could, the loose dirt allowed no hold, and he kept slipping back into the hole. Finally, he decided to wait till morning and let the caretakers help him out, so he sat in a corner and went to sleep.
A little later in the night, another Irish bloke made the same shortcut, and he too fell into the grave site. As he scrambled at the sides to no avail, the other drunk woke up.
"Ya kanna get out, I've tried", he said..
He got out...
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